“Do you think you are pretty?” He said on the phone. I paused having nothing to say…”No, you are not, you are just trying hard to be pretty and look good and that’s why other guys are coming to talk to you”. Those were the words I heard by my ex-boyfriend after we broke up. I was 21 by the time and that was the first relationship of my adult life. So, hearing you are not pretty from a guy you had a relationship with, can feel like someone is stabbing you with a knife. That was me then at least. And for a stupid reason, instead of hanging up on the phone, I felt apologetic, sad and started asking myself “Am I pretty?”, “What is pretty?”, “Was I pretty enough?”. Stupid 21 years old me!
Well, I’m not writing all these in order to talk about the “dark side” of my previous relationship. Instead, I want to emphasize the fact that sometimes and to some people, we will not be “pretty enough”. Especially nowadays that our image is so dependent on social media and most of the people count their value in likes and hearts. Unfortunately, only 5 minutes of scrolling on Instagram or checking on Facebook can make someone feel worthless and “ugly”. Sometimes I, despite being an adult, can’t handle that pressure seeing all those pretty models posing. I need my time off. And I don’t even want to imagine what it can feel like being a teenager in today’s society. It must be very stressful for someone who is slowly entering the adult world and trying to be accepted and fit in…
Am I “pretty” enough?
The sad thing is that the feeling of not being “pretty enough” has the consequence of low self-confidence and that with its turn has numerous terrible side effects. If you have been there, you probably felt worthless of being loved and caressed by people. Maybe you were constantly concerned about what you imagined others might think of you. Or you were sad all the time and expecting nothing from yourself. You probably didn’t even love yourself. And even though people that truly cared about you tried to change that mood they failed to…
What is “pretty”?
…This situation can only be worsened if you start spending time looking at photos of beauty “icons” and models on social media. You see, social media are based exclusively on the image, so people that don’t meet their beauty standards, are very prone to feel bad and not enough. Unfortunately, nowadays we think beauty is the supreme goal that will make our lives easy and happy. We start to hate the “ugly” parts of our bodies (the ones that don’t align with the beauty standards) and wish they looked like (name any celebrity). But is that a good reason to change a part of you? Just because you don’t look like the way you ‘re supposed to?
The pressure of being “pretty”.
Our need for acceptance is what triggers all of our insecurities and constant pressure to fit in and be like the “popular/famous” people. I used the words “popular and famous” because these are the people that are admired by most and set the “beauty” standards. So, since we want to be admired and loved by others, we think that copying the way they dress, their hairstyles and even some of their body features we will achieve acceptance. This way we connect acceptance with a certain body image and looks.
As a result, most of the people around have the same features and look the same. So, I want to ask you this question. Does all this really worth it? Is being the same as everybody else the point? What about being YOU then? Who is gonna play this role and who is better at being you than yourself? Have you ever thought that you are unique in your own way? If not, then I feel obliged to tell you.
We are so consumed by our image that we forget that it is not all that matters in life. You can do all the plastic surgeries in the world and have a perfect Instagram feed with thousands of followers, but still, you might realize you don’t feel good about yourself. You know why? Self-esteem and beauty first come from within (cliche I know, but that’s the only truth) and you are the one that has to fight to change that. You are the one who has to accept you. If not, neither a million likes nor plastic surgeries can make you feel good about yourself. Your acceptance is the only key to that.
Others will accept you only if YOU accept yourself
And after you accept yourself you can expect others to love and accept you. But, I assure you that this will happen because you are being yourself. Not because you look and dress like someone else. Then, there will be no limits for you and nobody will be able to put you down! And that will be the best feeling in the world!
So just remember…
No matter what you see and what they tell you: You are pretty and more than enough in your own unique way. Love yourself with its great assets and little flaws and JUST BE YOU.
Lots of love